Friday, October 26, 2012

Fix My Eyes on Jesus

Yesterday was a day filled to the brim with emotions running all across the spectrum.  It was wonderful because Kenny and I had some good conversations, letting out lots of words and thoughts and experiences that have been hidden in our hearts for a little while.

After the day was nearly complete, and I only had mindlessly straight road ahead of me in a quiet car did was i able to pause long enought to realize one of the reasons why my heart could be so full after such an utterly draining week.  I thanked God for the new experience of walking this road alongside of my husband.

Today was so fulfilling because we were working through the questions.  The fears.  The decisions.  The past.  able to do this together.  It was such a joy because I've so longed for his company because no one can quite get what it actually feels like to be in the circumstance.  When it comes down to it, this is only ken, cayla, savvie, and my life. And it's such a gift from the Lord to have company in a boat that I've been in all by myself for five weeks.  I am praising God for having a huge, beautiful part of my husband and our marriage relationship restored.

We are so grateful for the rehab, it has been a blessing to watch them care for ken so well and be so positive and encouraging.  So, we are forging through a new stage.  One for which I can hardly think about without tears falling down my face.

God has simply been so good to us.  I walked out of cooper hospital, visiting Kenny for the very last time.  I waved goodbye, gave thank you hugs to some angels who literally saved my husband's life - and in doing that - saved mine.  I couldn't contain the tears while I left his room.  Not as I walked down the long hallway back to my car - the same hallway that I cried sorrowful, heartbreaking tears because I was being torn away from my boy for yet another night.  The tears didn't stop in the full elevator. And kept on coming as I found my car in the parking garage.

As I walked, I asked out loud to the Lord:  I can't believe this! What did i do to deserve such grace??  Right away, I heard the Lord say: you did nothing.  and He was right.  God lavishes His goodness, He delights in doing so.  And that is what makes Him God.

And i will gratefully, humbly accept His incredible gift to us of returning me my husband and our girls, their daddy.  Glory and highest praise to the Giver of life.

And, my warrior man.  He still needs our prayers.  His growth has been wonderful and encouraging.  When I asked him what I could be praying for, he said, "that I would keep my eyes fixed on Jesus.".  He said this with a humility that only Ken McClure could.  I am astounded by his determined spirit to look toward the Lord and make the choice not fear about the future.  Questions do pierce his heart, sometimes with fiery darts, but he knows what to do with them.  I am learning an incredible amount from him - and am really enjoying relinquishing the leadership in our family back where it belongs.  He's so desiring to be "back".  He said to me: "I just want to be able to care of you girls." perfect. And you are, my precious man.  Right now, by your sincere heart looking to the Lord amid your most painful, scariest season.  And later - soon - in our home, with crazies begging for his attention and a wife who counts the minutes until he gets home from work so she can spill put the details of the heart throughout the day.

So, please pray that he trusts God with with the details of his day: rigorous therapy sessions.  Quiet moments filled with questions.  Fighting lies from the Enemy.

And please pray he is able to sleep peacefully and restfully at night.

Thank you for being a part of a miracle.  You've upheld us.  Please continue to do so, as this stage of healing is stretching us in new ways requiring even greater focus on the only One who deserves any of our attention.

Hey now, I'm gonna pray for you
Hey now, you're gonna pray for me
Cause what we have been through together is changing us now
Will change us forever
Hey now, I'm gonna pray for you
Hey now, you're gonna pray for me
And it's gonna be different. Yeah.
It's gonna be better. Yeah.
It's gonna be Jesus and all of us in this together.
{Amy Grant}

1 comment:

  1. Dear Lindsay,

    Just a quick note before Hurricane Sandy visits NJ. Our family continues to pray for all of you. We are so thankful that Kenny is now in Rehab. His hard work and determination will really make a difference in PT. His focus is on you, the girls, and healing - exactly where God wants him to be.

    With prayers ~ The Eaton Family