another step.

today, kenny got a tracheostomy.  thank you so so much for praying.  i don't consider it a small thing that God allowed this procedure to go seamlessly.  it's a huge relief to me (and more importantly, for him) to not have the tubes in his mouth and down his throat anymore.

the doctor team is still working on balancing his medication in order to bring him out of sedation (in the coming weeks) yet not bring him to the point of agitation or anxiousness.  some of this, of course, is unavoidable, but it's a process that needs to be covered in prayer.

his lungs are doing well.  he's initiating many breaths on his own, which is awesome.

i am really praying for God to bring peace to kenny's heart as he goes through this process of being weaned off the medication.  i also am praying for this process to go as quickly as possible.  it's difficult to watch kenny go through this, it also makes it a longer process for the girls.  i am really praying for our daughters' hearts, especially our first-born.  her heart is simply broken over missing her daddy this long.  their days are happy, but the nighttime (and sometimes moments in between) are really rough for them.

i know that in God's sovereignty, He allowed this tragedy to happen not only to me and ken, but also to our daughters.  just like He won't let us go from His grip, He will uphold the girls with the same attention and strength.

all i want to do is protect them from any hurt in all this, but i simply can't.  and i'm not meant to.  i am meant to surrender -- yet something else that my fists clench way too tightly -- into the entrusting hands of Someone who knows what will cause them to grow, no, flourish.

i am having to make a purposeful choice to trust this.

and like our jesus storybook bible says when mary questioned the angel telling her that she'd deliver the Deliverer of All into the world.  "so, mary trusted God more than what her eyes could see.  and she believed." 

so, i'll look beyond the tears i see in their eyes.  look beyond their cries for the man of those little girls' dreams.  and while i hold them and tell them to let all the tears flow, i'll trust that there's Something else at work behind the scenes, making it beautiful in His time.  for the two littlest ones this affects as well. 

i'm so grateful to you.