i was listening to a jenny & tyler song called anchored in love. i had heard it before, after the "worst" had been behind me in this whole experience. i felt like i was so able to resonate with part of the lyrics, saying, the tempest is o'er / i'm safe evermore / what gladness what what rapture is mine / the danger is past / i'm anchored at last / i'm anchored in love Divine
i felt like i was celebrating with those words, thinking, "yes! the worst is behind ken & i; i'm safe at last." and every time i've heard this song since, i have sung the lyrics with that perspective - assuring myself how safe i was because God has chosen to spare ken's life and allow him to make so much headway in his healing.
yesterday, while driving, anchored in love was playing again and i started thinking about our future and how thankful i am that things have turned out so well. and even though we are in a difficult-in-a-new-way stage, praising God for the goodness of where we are right now. within a second, my mind shifted from thanksgiving to what-ifs to fear, and i could sense the grip on the steering wheel getting strong and my hands getting sweaty.
how does the fear slip in so quickly? i thought about the lyrics of the song. "i'm anchored in Love Divine" i realized (again) that my assurance for the future was anchored in the wrong source. i had been believing that when the tempest was over, then i could experience relief. when the danger had past, then i could breathe easy. woah, that's so wrong. while i am certain God delights in our storms settling and the dangers in our path moving out of the way, i had it all wrong.
the danger can be past at any time, really. i can be safe regardless of my circumstances. the tempest (which cambridge simply defines as "a violent storm") can lose its threat and destruction right in the middle of the worst.
the anchor is not found in all the removal of all these perils, but remaining anchored in a Love that assures of his goodness in the midst of the fire.
that insight confronted me with questions i've been facing often throughout this process: where will your assurance lie even in the healing doesn't come? even if the battles rages on and you're weary? where will your assurance be when you fear the uncertainty of future trials you will face?
i want to be caught up in a Divine Love even when i don't know what's coming my way next. that is my anchor. that holds me safe. steadfast.
and in only the way God could orchestrate, hours later, ken and i listened together to louie giglio speaking on "hope when life hurts most." and his message couldn't have been more clear that God was up to challenging me in this.
he referenced john 16:33
"i have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. but take heart, because i have overcome the world (!)"
those times are going to come. and this tragedy isn't it for our family. louie showed me that even though i may be shipwrecked, i need to know, when all else falls beneath me, there is an anchor. he is convinced that the cross can be that anchor. the cross. and the cross alone.
this hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. it leads us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary. hebrews 6:19
louie persuaded me that the cross is where i need to be at those times because it is at the cross where i know God loves me. it is at the cross where God is still in control even though everything looks chaotic. and because of the cross, God can use the worst for eternal good.
i pray i find myself assured by the only Anchor who truly can truly make me secure, regardless of my circumstances or what my future holds.