fevers

"when he came near the place where the road goes down the mount of olives, the whole crowd of disciples began joyfully to praise god in loud voices...."if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out."  (luke 19)

before any stones start giving God glory when i should be, i wanted to jump on here quick and say THANK YOU, GOD for allowing ken to be free of fevers for over 24 hours.   considering ken's two big issues yesterday were his agitation and fevers, and now the fevers have been gone for a while,there's great reason to praise. 

thank you for praying doesn't even begin to express my gratitude.  please pray that they stay away.  his last temperature was 100.1, which is good, but they need to remain down. 

"you have said, 'seek My face [inquire for and require My presence as your vital need].  my heart says to You, Your face [Your presence], Lord, will i seek, inquire for, and require [of necessity and on the authority of Your Word].  [what, what would have become of me] had i not believed that i would see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living!  wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring.  yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord."  psalm 27 amp

i thought that one of the biggest spiritual struggles i would have throughout this experience would be the proactive seeking out of the Lord.  that i would spend so much time working to hear from God, trying to determine His specific purpose for me during this time. 

while my days have certainly included proactively bringing my raw, raw heart before the Lord, and clinging to Scripture like it was the air i breathe, i'm finding something different is required.  it's way more difficult that running in a certain direction.  it's more complicated than trying to figure out this utter mess going on in my heart.  it's something more still, and it certainly doesn't work.

i know the Lord wants me to WAIT.  to HOPE.  to EXPECT.   honestly (& embarrassingly), this is painful for me.  so, i want to make that shift.  i want to come to the Lord with my weakness, and trust in His promise that that's where His strength can be magnified.  Oh, Jesus, that my heart would never get in the way of the wonderful display of your strength and power.